Week 5

Confessions of a Dreamer becoming a Goal Setter

How a Change Begins

Woman lays in bed on her side, the white quilt pulled over her body and covers her mouth, resting gently beneath her nose. The blinds are closed, but light is seeping through. The digital clock reads 8:08 AM.

I wake from a dream and grab my phone. I’ve heard of this app but decide that today is the day, right here in my bed. Couch Potato to 5K. Downloading.

I love dreaming. It is part of what I love about creating. But I decide to test this. What happens if I do something first? What follows?

Also, I’ve always wanted to be a runner. Don’t they fascinate you? Who wants to run for fun? Me. I do. I want to be a runner. Besides, the place I am moving to has a beautiful greenway a mile away. I’ve got a place, I’ve got a goal, I’ve got an app. What else do I need?

Week 1: September 9

Folded cardboard boxes are stacked on the bedroom wall. Framed photos and posters lean on the wall beside them. I move my way around the apartment I’ve just moved into and find an old t-shirt and yoga pants. I dig my headphones out of my purse. I’m ready.

I take no picture. I don’t realize yet that this is a process. I am obsessed with immediacy. I feel like one of those strutting peacocks after I finish my 30 minute workout, which includes rounds of walking and running. This is doable, I think. This is gonna be awesome, I think.

There is family lore that I tried softball and dance and cheerleading and piano and soccer all for the trophy, not for the love of the thing. I’m not sure this is entirely true, but I think about this while listening to the app tell me, “Great job! Keep going!”

Week 2: September 16

I lace up my shoes and stretch. I’m feeling positive. I’m already on week 2. The sun is shining. I realize how wise I am to begin my training at the end of summer and congratulate myself on such wisdom.

It is nice to have your hand held. “You’re halfway there!” the lady ensures me through the app. I decide I shouldn’t pay attention to the timer that’s telling me when it’s time to run and when it’s time to walk, so I zip up my phone in my fanny pack. This is not that bad. I think I am finding my pace. Isn’t that what runner’s say? I’m finding my pace.

Week 3: September 23

Ah, resistance. I’ve heard of this. I drag myself out of my bed and decide that this is stupid. I’m not a runner, I’ll never be. I’m really good at fooling myself. This is one of my master talents: self-deception. A friend and I are texting running photos back and forth. I’ll do it for him, then.

The weather is warmer again. Supposedly fall is here but it doesn’t feel like it. I decide that maybe I should have waited until late October. I can’t seem to find the perfect playlist yet. I run in silence a few days this week, listening to the heaving sounds of my breath and my feet hitting the pavement. I realize why ‘running the race’ is a lovely, beautiful and overused metaphor. One day it’s dumping buckets of rain. I go anyway. After my run I decide I am capable of anything. Anything, I tell you. One run in the rain, and I am invincible.

Week 4: September 30

Alright. I thought I knew resistance. This is so dumb. Whoever decided this was healthy, physical activity is wrong. I lay in bed. I let my alarm go off, over and over. I’d rather listen to this than get dressed. It’s not doing anything, anyway, this running.

I’m here. I’m out of my car, I’m putting my headphones in, I made it. I’ve just got to do what the app tells me. I’m running longer distances now and I’m feeling good about this but I’m also laughing at myself for being proud for running 5 minutes straight. Hey, baby steps, right? There is no day this week that running is fun. But I am showing up. Why? Because I’m a runner.

Week 5: October 7

It’s on, baby. Week 5, are you kidding me?! Cue Queen, singing We are the Champions… I’m noticing something new. I’m noticing a pattern. I don’t feel like running, but I do, and then I feel happy I did it. Interesting. My test is yielding interesting results.

Listen, why now? Why tell you about 5 weeks of consistent running, when I’ve got 3 more total and and my 5K is not until November? [insert turkey emoji here] Because

A) I feel proud and need to flex my feathers

B) accountability

C) proof that my test is working

Feelings are fickle, but that’s why I love them. I love their fleeting nature. They are multi-faceted, factual intel. Without them, I’d be lost. With them, I feel like myself. And together, we’re a force. Beep beep, toot toot, I gotta run. Bye!

What’s something that you don’t feel like doing but are glad when you’ve done it?